I’ve decided to ring in the new year by putting my clairvoyant ability to the test. I’m going to kick it off with the way I think the NFL playoffs will go down.

The 2008 NFL playoffs are particularly interesting this year because there is a great deal of potential for significant upsets (including one very big one I see coming), and this is one of those years that something wacky could well happen.

Feel free to play along at home, kids.

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This week on Search Query Info, I’m going to provide you with some information that is both out of the norm and searched for by multiple people.

I’ve got info on Peter Griffin’s Christmas Album (sort of.)
I’ve got info on one of my clients (because apparently some people out there really want to find them).
I’ve got info on ugly people.
I’ve got info on manboobs.
And I’ve got an odd bowling alley query for which I don’t have an answer, but rather another question…so I’m hoping whomever searched for this term could explain the nature of it to me.

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I’ve decided to kick this Saturday Scribbling post off by trying to help those of you out there who, like me, are completely sick of the whole Commercemas thing and wish it would just go away and die already (not that it’ll ever happen, but a guy can hope, can’t he?)

The trick to getting Christmas out of your system and moving on is to do as many of your gift exchanges and parties as early as you can possibly do them (ideally, before Christmas Day). Go to whatever parties you absolutely have to go to before Christmas (and of course, duck the ones you can get away with ducking); exchange whatever gifts you can beforehand; and just try to do as much of the Commercemas stuff as you possibly can to get it over with.

I did that this year, partly by design and partly by accident, and ias a result, I was able to do my own thing and work (for the most part) while everyone else did their Christmas thing. I had done all but one Christmas-related thing by December 22, and as a result it was the best I’ve felt about a Christmas holiday in at least the past 10 years, just because I didn’t have to think about it anymore.

You won’t have to shop on December 24 with the rest of the idiots (not that I’ve ever done that anyway; I’m usually done the vast majority of my shopping by December 1st and usually pick a quiet afternoon during the week and load up a Wal-Mart cart in 1 hour or less).
You won’t have to think about whether or not someone’s going to get you something you do or don’t want (you’ll already know.)
You’ll have done all the silly useless parties (there’s one client party and one quiet get-together with a client that I actually enjoy at this time of year, but the rest of them are a complete waste of time).

You’re done. You’re free of all the idiotic worries that everyone goes through the last few days before Commercemas. You can focus on other stuff. Trust me; if you hate Commercemas, this helps. You can thank me December 25, 2008.

And on that note, let’s segué into…

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This Cool Site may come as a complete surprise to some of you who know me, considering that under normal circumstances I don’t like pure Flash animations, nor do I like techno music. But in this particular case, the creator of this particular Flash has put in a significant amount of effort into this creation and, while it’s not perfect and has many of the uneven solid-pixel lines that seem to pervade Flash animations, this is still pretty damn cool.

Madames, Madelles, Mademoiselles, et Monsieurs…The Tony-B Machine!

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I had to solve this particular scenario today, as odd as it may seem on the surface. I was working on a client’s e-commerce application (more on the payment processor to come in a future blog post) requiring the use of an SSL.

The client uses Google Analytics to track the traffic to his site, and as a result of the use of the SSL I needed to alter the default Google Analytics code to work with the SSL and access the Google Analytics SSL (https://ssl.google-analytics.com). I wrote the following sub to access the correct Google Analytics server and generate stats for the correct site.

Note: You won’t need to do anything on the Google Analytics side of the equation to get this code to work. Just use the sub and you’re good to go.

Enjoy!

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I’ve decided to take the whole review thing in a slightly different direction and give reviews of products/services away on this site at no charge. I figure it’s a win-win since I can create more unique website content, and you get a win because you’ll get a thorough and detailed review of your product or service.

I’d prefer to review services at this time, but I will review “soft goods” and if necessary a hard good (although it would be tougher to get a hard good to me).

I’m going to lay out a few ground rules for this, just so we’re clear on what it is that I’m offering:

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“I brought these gifts for you, they’re up in my bum.” — Peter Griffin, from his Christmas album

I’ve decided to do something I normally wouldn’t do this Christmas, and offer up gifts to various individuals and organizations in the spirit of the Holidays. Hopefully these gifts will enrich and enhance the lives of those I give them to.

I’ve put a great deal of thought (read: next to none whatsoever) into these gifts, so please don’t take them lightly (wait…no…you probably should take them lightly.)

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and somewhere online
Somebody was trying for the 39th time
To find vast riches and eternal health
Or some good porn so he could go play with himself.

The previous 38 ventures did fail
“You will get rich…QUICK if you follow our trail
“And system as millions before you have done.
“Look at B.R. from Kansas, a millionaire at 21!

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Apparently, I’m popular enough to be searched for repeatedly, and with many different words and phrases associated with me. So…since you people seem to want to know so much about me (or type random stuff into search engines because you know I’ll notice), I wanna talk about me, I wanna talk about I, I wanna talk about number one, oh my me my!

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Yeah, it’s the Saturday before Christmas. It sure doesn’t feel like it, though (not that it has for me in quite some time).

Try this little experiment when you’re out driving or taking the bus or train or walking or however you travel above ground in public.

Take a look at the houses.
Take a look at the stores.
Take a look at the other businesses.
Take a look at lampposts, street signs, etc.

Have any of the rest of you noticed something that’s ordinarily missing at this time of year (i.e. any decorations whatsoever)? I sure have, particularly as it pertains to commercial establishments. It just seems like even more of the life has been sucked out of the holiday than ever before. Granted, I’ve hated Christmas for a long time now (at least the past 15-20 years), but it seems that there’s almost no effort on anyone else’s part, either.

Is it political correctness? Apathy? Whatever it is, it’s slightly depressing.

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