Super-Top-Secret Ultra-High-Ranking Search Engine Magic Bullet: The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix and Bird Cage Liner

I keep hearing talk about how the greatest link exchange scheme designed to gain search engine ranking is the Trapezoidal Linking Matrifluxâ„¢. People talk about how this link exchange scheme will use Matrifluxâ„¢ technology to enhance their overall ranking within search engines, and how they’re going to TOTALLY be #1 for all the keywords and phrases that they could imagine.

Now, let me tell you why the inventor of the Trapezoidal Linking Matrifluxâ„¢ is an idiot and shouldn’t be listened to for any reason whatsoever:

1. He’s ugly. If you look to the right, you’ll see his picture. You see how ugly he is? Ugly people are never smart. I’m ugly, and look at how stupid I am. See? Irrefutable evidence.
2. He used a trapezoid. Everyone knows that trapezoidal link structures are stacked only in favor of the person with the longest arrow being pointed to him/her.
3. I don’t know who he is. Therefore, he’s an idiot. If I don’t know a guy, he’s an idiot. Why? How about SHUT UP for an answer? Yeah, you heard me, I said SHUT UP! Or talk to yourself. Whatever floats your boat, really.
4. Are you still reading this? Wow, you really do have no life. Or you want the answer. Okay, I guess I can tell you.

The answer is The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix and Bird Cage Liner! A product that has over 60 seconds of intensive research fuelled by the sniffing of paint fumes, The SuperMatrix is the only magic bullet you need for search engine success!!!

What makes The SuperMatrix so damned super, anyway? More importantly, what makes the SuperMatrix better than the Matrifluxâ„¢?

A Way More Complicated Diagram

Everyone knows that the key to search engine success involves a complicated diagram which says nothing but outlines the key concepts in a vague and ambiguous manner. Here’s my diagram:

Notice how nothing is clearly labelled and the infinity symbol (which is really just an 8 turned sideways, but I told you to SHUT UP!) The diagram also illustrates the concepts of Central Core Linkativity and continual growth of stuff in all directions. What kind of stuff? Stuff that grows, that’s what kind of stuff. Never question growth diagrams, unless you want to fail online. You don’t want to fail online, do you? Have everyone call you Faily McFailerson from Niagara Fails, Ontario? Didn’t think so. So don’t question the growth diagram.

A Simple Concept

The concept is so easy, even stupid people can understand it! Including you, if you’re stupid. Are you stupid? That’s not important right now….focus on The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix concept.

Are you focused? Good.

The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix is based on the concept that each of us controls our online destiny! We can hyperlink to whatever we feel is relevant to our end users, and other sites can do the exact same thing! In other words, we create a series of hyperlinks to other sites and to each other that just grows and grows and grows and grows and grows forever and ever in all sorts of directions.

You don’t need to care whether sites link to you or not. You don’t need to contact webmasters about some link exchange idea. The SuperMatrix takes care of it for you!

While all of this external hyperlinking is going on, Central Core Linkativity is maintained. What is Central Core Linkativity? It’s a Google PageRank-based concept which outlines the infrastructure that every SEO needs to ensure a solid foundation of core competencies that will be scalable, robust, and adaptive to the ever-changing customer-centric technologies of an e-marketplace.

Don’t understand what that means? Dammit, I was hoping you would so that you could explain it to me. But that’s not important right now.

So How Does the SuperMatrix Know What Links I Should Get, Anyway?

The SuperMatrix is based on the concept that sites that don’t suck get more links, and links of a higher quality…so if you build a good website, you can tap into the awesome power of Central Core Linkativity and The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix.

N-Way Link Exchange

The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix can be grown in any direction or directions you want! It’s your SuperMatrix! That’s why I haven’t trademarked it! (That, and trademarks cost money that I like to spend on midget lesbian transsexual Nazi Inuit hookers with false teeth and wooden legs, but that’s none of your damn business so SHUT UP!)

It’s Totally Google Safe…I Checked, Kind Of

I have a special relationship with Google employees Matt Cutts and Brian White (actually, I just posted on their blogs like a whole bunch of other people did, but ummm…SHUT UP!) So this system is perfectly legitimate, okay, and shouldn’t be questioned.

Just ignore this whole page on link schemes and why you shouldn’t use them, because this guy I know online said that Google’s lawyers made them write that and that they can’t detect anything.

Big Bold Text Highlighted in Yellow

This text is big, bold, and highlighted in yellow just so that you can learn how GREAT The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix and Bird Cage Liner really is! Don’t Delay, Activate your Infinestimal Link Exchange SuperMatrix Today!

Dual Action Bird Cage Lining Power

The Ultimate Infinitesmal Link Exchange SuperMatrix isn’t just a search engine guaranteed #1 ranking magic carpet ride to the top (not a guarantee, void anywhere and everywhere except for places that don’t exist), it has Dual Action Bird Cage Lining Power! Simply print off a copy of The SuperMatrix, and place it at the bottom of your bird cage. You can place it either face up or face down…the choice is yours!

Testimonials

Eddie G. from El Paso, Texas writes:

Yo, esse! Whatchu TALKIN’ ’bout, Holmes?

Steve A. from Victoria, Texas writes:

WHAT?

Mick F. from Long Island, New York writes:

Have a nice day!

Don’t Delay! Get Started Today!

It’s easy to tap into the SuperMatrix! Simply build a website (if you haven’t yet) and link to things that are relevant to your website’s target audience! You can grow your very own Not-Quite-Ultimate Finitesmal Link Exchange MiniSuperMatrix just by linking to useful stuff online! Act now, and receive a free sense of personal satisfaction and self-worth!!! (Maybe…maybe not…hell, what do I care? I’m just a sales guy. I mean…is this still on? Oh, CRAP!)

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